Dear Vegeta...
by Yasai Oujo
Summary: A little note Yasai writes to her brother, Vegeta... after he dies the first time - her feelings and all... I don't know, I almost cried writing this, but my imagination is too much for me to handle.. blech. R&R!!


Dear Vegeta,  
  
I hate you. You never told me - why? After thirteen years - every day of my entire life, YOU WERE THERE. For thirteen years, I fought you, learned from you, taught you... Doing this, I know you better than anyone. I know you better than everyone knows you... including Kakarroto.. especially Kakarroto. So why didn't you tell me this, huh? Why didn't you tell me.  
Your question: What is she talking about? Well, I'm asking you why you didn't tell me that it was Freeza who destroyed our planet. Not just some dumb asteroid. Did you think you could keep me from this forever? Did you think you were saving me from some horrible end? I'm not afraid, brother. I'm not afraid to sacrifice myself for my own race. I will fight.  
I hate you - you could have stopped him. You were too weak - and you're still to proud to admit it. You were too proud to admit that you were weaker than he. You weren't strong enough. I know you want to kill me now, but it's the truth. You could have fought harder. I know you too well - you knew that he was planning it. You're no fool like the rest of them. But still - you slacked off - didn't try your hardest. You already thought you were stronger than him. But - deep down, you knew that he could beat you in head to head combat - again.. I tell you you're no fool.  
Fine; kill me. At least I'd die at the hands of the truth. I'd die hating you - and that's what I should be doing, isn't it? You want to agree with me - I hate you, you hate me... just let me die, okay?   
My point is - you knew that they were going to die. And you did NOTHING about it. Nothing at all. Do you realize why I hate you right now? You let our race die. You let them down. You let us down. You destroyed my dreams, you killed my soul. You let the evil win. So much suffering he had caused you, and so much you did NOTHING.   
But you die today - why? Why did YOU sacrifice yourself? To pay him back? Oh yeah - that's gonna bring him to his knees. No - you only made him stronger - by helping him to finish off the last remaining threats to him. You die for our race - but it's too late. It's too late for you to help at ALL. You didn't realize that you were too late... you were too weak. You did nothing but help the monster to victory. I always thought of you as a dumb fighter.  
So - you think you helped at all? You just let him see you - let him see your pain... he ate off your fears, was powered by your pain and suffering. And you weakened me by that as well. You made everything worse.  
My point being - you helped our race to die. You helped us DIE. By dying, you made him stronger! By just WATCHING as he wiped out our race in only a few seconds... how awful... how awful... I don't know how to explain this to you in any other way - I hate you. I'll say it a million more times. I hate you, and I hate Freeza, and I hate you... I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!  
I am empty - I have no blood left. I can't keep my emotions down. I cannot focus enough to transmit my sadness into anger. I cannot be a Saiya-jin without you. Freeza killed you, and he killed me. I died, you died. It's all the same...   
Anger... so unbelievable, my sanity is at risk. You killed me, you killed our race, you killed everything I loved, everything I was born for... you drove him higher... your tears give him strength.  
You've been given that feeling - where you are so powerless to stop something you just want to scream forever, and make it stop. It drives you mad, you work yourself so hard - you shed tears in frustration. It doesn't help. You still die in the end.  
I say I hate you - because I don't have you. Isn't that weird? I'm mad at you.. furious.. I could throw up, make up some new dangerous cuss word, I could die of my own sweat running down my face. I am no Saiya-jin without that huge chunk of my heart that rests in your hands. My life is in your hands, and you can't let go.  
I'm yelling right now, can't you hear me? You can here my pain all the way from here - I shout for pain, I cry out hoarsely for fury.. only you can make it stop, and you're not here. Now do you see why I hate you? You pained me. You made me die. You made me be overcome by the evil monster. You hate me. You don't care for anyone but yourself. You don't think about anyone until it's too late. You're backed into a corner, and there's no way out - so you try to go right through them, and only when they catch you, do you fall. You fell, Vegeta - you fell at his feet. You might as well could have bowed to him one last time, sealing your fate and answering to his duties... one.. last.. time...  
You know why I hate you, now? You can see. But you can't - because you're gone. I hate you because you're not here for me. I cannot live without you, and soon, I will shrivel up, weaken, and die. I will die slowly, because you have failed everyone horribly. There is no hope for us. Freeza will win. It's all over. He's already won... it's not fair. Life's not fair...   
You were too weak. You didn't try hard enough. But you trained me - YOU WENT OUT OF YOUR TIME - to train me to become as strong as you. And look what you've done - you're weaker, I have surpassed you, and even now, I cannot defeat him. He's too powerful - I'm too weakened. By YOU. I don't want to, but he forces me to my knees. He forces me to bow, he forces me to lick his toes, because I'm already too dead to fight it. I'm too hurt to fight him. You understand this.  
I'm weakened, because I hate you so much. You made my life miserable - you dragged me through here just to be your shield, isn't that right? You were afraid of him. Didn't you know that - I am afraid. I am afraid of him. I am not afraid to face him - I am not afraid to fight, to TRY to defend my race. But I am afraid of him. For what he's done to you. For what he's already won.  
So, Onisan... what I'm trying to say - is that I hate you. I hate you so much, because I care about you too much. You are the only thing I have in the universe. Now you're gone. I'm alone.  
So tell me this... If hate is what I feel, why do I love you so much? Why can I not stop the tears from falling?  
  
~Yasai Oujo~  
  



End file.
